1. Do not name your child after compass directions (Kim and Kanye, I’m looking at YOU) or Alfred Hitchcock movies (except maybe Vertigo, which would be kind of awesome).
2. Do not name your child after expensive status symbols, whether you can afford them or not, lest you look like a pretentious toolbag (I actually know people with these names so will refrain from specific examples).
3. Do not name your child a name which seven other children in his/her kindergarten class will share, thus obliterating your child’s sense of individuality forever and dooming him/her to forever be known as “first name + last initial” in all social settings.
4. Do not name your child something which will get him/her beaten up on the playground and/or shoved in a locker on a regular (or even semiregular) basis.
5. Do not give an utterly unpronounceable spelling to a well-known name…
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